ideas catcher, catching ideas, someday

"He had hung his jacket on the Brancusi in a way that- to his eye, at least- implied joshing familiarity rather than disrespect, and was displaying his roundedly rhomboid shape to his PA and his Ideas Catcher. There had been some earlier institutional name for this latter figure, but Sir Jack had replaced it with 'Ideas Catcher'. Someone had once compared him to a giant firework, throwing out ideas as a Catherine wheel throws out sparks, and it seemed only proper that those who pitched should have someone to catch."
Julian Barnes, England, England

Unlike Sir Jack from the novel that I'm writing one of my last term papers on, I don't have the money to employ someone to catch my ideas, and since only recently I had a marvellous idea that I have found myself to have forgotten a few hours later, I thought it would be another marvellous idea to 'employ' an empty book as my own Ideas Catcher. I'm about to turn this into a kind of project: every day I will fill one page with something, words, pictures, photos... anything really, because #1 it may help me not to forget the good ideas I have and #2 it may lead to even more good ideas. This year is gonna be hell, in every aspect (the most terrifiying of which is undoubtedly my bachelor exams this summer), so I won't have the time to focus on lots of brilliant creative things, but maybe I'll save a few of them in this book, and maybe they'll even be ready for display, someday... someday.

Watch this clip, it makes you feel nostalgic about something you never lived. Oh boys, if only I could have been the #6 in your team. Big sigh.

In many ways, they'll miss the good old days
Someday, someday
Yeah, it hurts to say, but I want you to stay
Sometimes, sometimes

When we was young, oh man, did we have fun
Always, always
Promises, they break before they're made
Sometimes, sometimes

Oh, My-ex says I'm lacking in depth
I will do my best
You say you wanna stay by my side
Darlin', your head's not right
See, alone we stand, together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables, they turn sometimes

Oh, someday...

No, I ain't wastin' no more time

And now my fears
They come to me in threes
So, I
Sometimes
Say, "Fate my friend,
You say the strangest things
I find, sometimes"

Oh, My-ex says I'm lacking in depth
Say I will try my best
You say you wanna stay by my side
Darlin', your head's not right
See, alone we stand, together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables, they turn sometimes

Oh, someday...

I ain't wasting no more time

EDIT: 10000+ page views, that's gotta be a special treat for you, very soon, very different from what I usually post... watch this space.

jglfhsfjkshf 2012

Yeah. So, yeah, well, this is it. This is 2012. I hope you didn't get an epileptic fit at the sight of this picture, if yes, I apologise in advance. I don't know why, since I wrote that song or poem in the last post I feel this kind of stubborn desperado-aggression inside, and I let it out with the brightest colours, the dashiest music... and I'm SO buying myself an acid wash denim jacket- that's not a resolution, that's a plan. And if I'm silly enough, I'll print this drawing on a shirt, haha.

I won't talk much about 2012 because I prefer not to remember most of it, though a few details pushed my life in a nice direction- who knows. I don't know, I just hope. 

Anyway, I want to say T H A N K S guys, for checking all the weird stuff I post on here, leaving comments and compliments. I wish you a fantastic NYE party, the brightest fireworks and smiles, and successful 2013. See you next year. XX

neon life rascalities

I try so hard to figure out
what the point of all this is
and when I try to find the problem
I find myself not wanting anything

there's vacuum in my ideas
just bits and pieces building themes
too bad you'll sink and drown in daydreams
they're nothing you can swim in

everything goes right and wrong,
left and right straight into foolery

you watch them moving forward
effortlessly they're winning all 
of all those things you worship
when you're on your own

that acid washed denim
and brightly coloured trainers
they only mean the universe to you
they're but a wrapping of your sad souls twin

that studded leather, nights and lights
guitars in airports, jokes
that's all you want, I know
that radiant freedom as you go

and not a single chance that you will ever
admit this youthful feeling of perfection
is hard works harvest and a moments' bliss
the jacket saves raw diamonds from detection

at heart, you are the lightest-minded, rascal urchin
to whom this planets rules and expectations seem a maze
you are the real easy- going good-for-nothing
to dreamy nowhere you want the easy way.

+es

A few things to stroke my tiny, little inner optimist, so he doesn't move out or die of loneliness:

1. Today it was raining all day, I got quite wet a few times and when I was on the bus it started raining really heavily and already started getting grumpy about it because I had no umbrella with me and was quite sure that I was going to drown or at least to get completely soaked. But when the bus stopped, the  stream got less all out of a sudden and the sun came out from behind the clouds. 
2. I asked one of my lecturers about a few things I needed to know about my application for the nme and hopefully I will write the application letter this week and hopefully it will be brilliant so hopefully they take me and I will have something to look forward to and be skippy and happy-go-lucky and all that.
3. In a seminar on folly in Shakespeare I learned that the tragedy's motto is "I can't go on, I won't go on." and the comedy's "I can't go on, I will go on.". This means, my life is a comedy which suggests it's funny which, again, suggests, in the end everything works out.

i recall that

Each cork for someone's birthday, someone's graduation from somewhere, someone's returning. A lot of parties and a lot of great occasions to pop a bottle of champagne. I collected them all. It's a great number by now, and I feel that these little corks gain value with each day- rare things are more precious than things you have in abundance, as usual. The corks of today are not quite the same as yesterday's corks, I don't feel like collecting them anymore. Yet I do because you never know what comes afterwards.

resolutions come and go

2012 plans and my most desperate hopes (not in order of priority. wish SOMEthing of that came true.)

1. find a band 
2. pimp my wardrobe in style of alexa chung
3. get a work experience placement at Kerrang! or New Music Express
4. be singing again and get back to the level I once had
5. improve my skills on the instruments I 'play'
6. stop being sad
7. be awesome instead
8. find my way back to the creativity and the ideas I always had
9. finish my novel
10. become friends with nice people who feel like me
11. be nicer to my friends
12. get rid of my problems
13. write more intelligent blog posts
14. post less, but better stuff
15. move on with life and look ahead as I should
16. be happier
17. be active, not only ambitious
18. reduce daydreaming and ACT instead
19. get an iPhone
20. learn how to use Photoshop properly and not just the light and contrast tool
21. tidy up my data at all our computers
22. be myself

TO EVERYONE I WISH A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR'S EVE AND AN AWESOME YEAR 2012. I STILL REMEMBER HOW WE CELEBRATED 2000 AND IT'S INCREDIBLE HOW TIME PASSED, HOW MANY THINGS HAPPENED. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WHO SAY IT  HAVE BEEN A FEW AMAZING YEARS, I KNOW SOME WHO SAY IT WAS A DISASTER. BUT FOR EVERYONE I HOPE THAT IN 2012 THEIR WAY WILL BE STRAIGHT UP, AND I HOPE I'LL JOIN THE BUNCH OF YOU IN THAT. XXX

sedative dreams mix

Sedative,
it's a sedative
it was my hero
oh it was.. 

What's it really like now

it's been a long long time since I've stepped outside 

to the morning sun now 

would you take me out
 and I crawl along now
                           it's been a long, long time since I've stepped outside
                                                            to the morning sun. 

It's been a long, long time

FIN.