this and that forever

Have this portrait of danish delight & ICEAGE singer Elias Ronnenfelt- that's him in the 'Forever' video which I cannot embed thanks to various wonderful privacy settings on every stupid video on the web, but you can watch the clip/hear the song here.

Important questions to ask this week:

Where have I been? 
Just about everywhere I usually am, can't get my shit together but I swear, starting from today I'll try to post more regularly. (Can you believe this, I used to have problems with posting way too often when I started this blog? Where did I take the time from??)

Are there any cool new bands around that are, like, proper cool and original and exciting, and whose music would actually increase your will to live, and not drown you in a depressive void?
That's an actual question from me to you guys, I'm all open for links and stuff because if I listen to whatever is on my phone for one more week I will just dissolve into nothingness #saveascallywag

Should I murder Elizabeth Peyton?
No! That does not change the fact that she is the epitomy of almost everything I despise about contemporary art industry. Gal gets a spot at some fancy NY art college (probably wealthy parents), makes connections, paints a shit ton of GENERIC, PSEUDO EXPRESSIONIST portraits of rockstars and IT girls etc., that look like try hard fakes of Brücke or Bauhaus artists, that ANY advanced class art student could have done BETTER, and that EXPRESS NOTHING, and she gets exhibitions and recognition for what? - for making a ton of bullshit, with people mentioning her distinctive style. I'm sorry if she's anyone's favourite artist but there is NOTHING distinctive about her style, and NOTHING expressive or interesting or new about her paintings, and I'm just raging whenever I see her name mentioned anywhere alongside with the words 'renowned artist'. If you don't know who that is, just google and then cry together with me and Leonardo Da Vinci in heaven about what we've come to.

Should I get back to exercising/sort out my wardrobe/maybe consider washing my hair more often than once a week?
Yes! That might be unexpected (or maybe not) but I'm really, really, really, really focused on looks/appearance. This doesn't mean that Regina George is my role model, but I have pretty draconic ideals and if I do not conform to them, that's bad. I don't, right now, and I do feel bad about myself. That's obviously not the way to go for everyone, but to look like you want to look is, for me, always the best way to also take control over everything else in your life. I feel like before creating something, I need to first create a me that I like. If that makes sense.

Come on, be honest... Is there hope for this blog?
Yes! I am now proud owner of a Wacom Intuos Pro graphic tablet and I have promised myself to dedicate at least half an hour every day to slowly re-do the graphics on here and on my society6 shop and my facebook page, too. Use it for new artworks, too. I also noticed that as I go along, I have several blogable thoughts and ideas every day, but usually I'm just too exhausted in the evenings, or people ask me to do things, or my cat Johnny (who joined my in the daily woes of life in August and I haven't shown you yet) claims all my attention for himself BUT I also promised myself to not let that take up ALL of my time and dedication since I have realised lately that in this life, there is nothing for me other that to work creatively and I need to brace myself and put my stuff out there, join projects, create, create, create. I will draw, I will write. If I'm lucky I'll get involved with music, as I used to. Other than that, there's nothing here for me. (draaahmaaahh. no, I'm serious. This blog will live.)

Anything else?
Nah, not really. Don't forget to say hi.

libertines/ blogger sucks/an idea that I think is pretty cool/(lots of blaa)

hellooo brethrens,

blogger has been a massive let-down the other day- I actually got a few bits done for the new design (header & background) but this dumb platform won't let me upload the background? And the hmtl thingy doesn't have the codes I apparently need to find to insert it?? HALP if anyone's got a suggestion, I'm all up for it, tell me!

In related news, I've been busy as hell because uni started again and I've got a student job with the WDR's ARD now (1st TV channel, for the inhabitants of non-germany) which takes up a pretty damn decent amount of time (AND OF MY SLEEP ldfjskdj) which is why I have not yet posted about

SEEING THE LIBERTINES ! ! ! !!1111

Yes, I've seen Pete (again!) and Carl and John and Gary, and it was superb even tho I had to go alone because the one friend who wanted to see them too was broke and none of my other so- called friends were even remotely interested. So, I was in the second row and it was even more intense/painful/life-threatening than Babyshambles back in January, but I finally heard Music When the Lights Go Out live, the song that changed SO bloody much that I won't even get started on that. Here's two polaroids I managed to sneak of the Libs and Circa Waves who supported them before things got too dangerous for the camera:

& some more shots:

The next thing is that I was kind of thinking of making a zine (a real, non-digital, printed zine) that'd be like a booklet with drawings and some comments on my inspiration and how I see/experience the process of art/illustration making and stuff... do you think anyone would be interested in getting their hands on such a thing? Je ne sais pas. 

I should use my ideas catcher more often, there's a shit ton of stuff getting lost, I feel.

Hang in there, people xx

shambles

I was gonna think of a cool introduction but my brain is not on the highest level of its performance abilities at the moment, so- I saw Babyshambles play on Monday. My infatuation with Peter Doherty dates back to a time when I didn't quite know what to do with myself and life in general, and the music of the Libertines and Babyshambles as well as Pete's solo work was the understanding friend, the fellow sufferer and the slight hope for the better to me. After having listened to him for ages it was kind of surreal to see him on stage, as the actual person he is and I won't lie, I shed a tear at "Delivery". I'm not very tall and not very massive so I had my doubts if I was gonna survive the front row, it certainly did give me a "mufasa and the gnus" kind of feeling- you're thrown about mercilessly by the crowd, but at some point you don't even care, because you're one with the sound, one with the people around you, and- alas- one with the mix of beer, sweat and dirt on the floor.

The gig was class, but (obviously, I should add) I wanted to meet the man himself, so together with a little crowd of 30 per cent normal people and 70 per cent ferociously annyoing groupies a friend and I were hanging around at the barrier in front of the backstage exit where the tour bus was waiting. That barrier, about 2 metres high and all covered up with some advertisement banner, was somewhat impossible to get around, but the gap on one side of it was perfectly cool for someone my size to look through, and I took the opportunity. This is how I saw Pete approach the bus, and I just called him. And HE CAME. He immediately started to explain that the band is tired and all that, but I said it's all cool and I don't want anything, I just want to give him something, and pulled out an envelope with these two drawings inside:

IN THE MEANWHILE HE TOOK MY HAND. Blame this lyricism of mine on the fact that I'm a literature student or on the fact that I'm embarrassingly deeply in love with this guy, but it was an event detached from time and space for me. It felt like, metaphorically speaking, the hand that has been holding mine for a long while, actually physically held it- for some glorious moments. (crying break for everyone, hehe.) Then other people noticed that I was talking to Pete in the corner, and started screaming, and he fled into the bus. I told him to open the envelope later, I hope he didn't forget to. I also kind of hope that he at least gets a slight idea of what I wanted to tell him. I'll probably never find out what actually happened after he let go and walked away, but I guess that, if anyone ever asks me where the originals are, it's cooler to answer "I don't know, Pete Doherty has them" than "Uh, at home". I also didn't sign the pictures with my name, nor did I write a note to Pete, let alone a letter- I am this much of an idiot. I mean, an envelope screams for that sort of thing, doesn't it? Well, I was deaf to that. If I had written something, I'd have probably said the following:

Dear Bilo, please take this as a "thank you" and a token of support and love- I'm behind ya, mate. K xx

Or, perhaps, not.

PS: These are my post-babyshambles shoes... yikes

PPS: I had my oral bachelor exam in english literature yesterday and I got a 1,0 (the best possible result, for the foreign readers), which I'm pretty psyched about!

breakz I

jus want a break

jus wanna get away

jus wanna be sat with ya xx

ϟ giveaway! now is the time to meow in panic ϟ

There ya go. I made a tote bag for you guys, I hope you like tote bags (I love tote bags) and I hope you like cats (I love cats). Simply share the giveaway to enter; you don't have to follow me anywhere to enter because y'all know da rules: like it- read it, don't like it- don't read it. However, if you think I deserve a virtual pat on the head, feel free to follow me on here, or like my FACEBOOK page, or follow me on BLOGLOVIN' or, altogether- just look for some scallywag wherever you want to, on INSTAGRAM, on TWITTER, on my SOCIETY6 shop or wherever (I've never tried googling some scallywag, am scared?!). Also, please make sure you leave me a link to your blog or an email address or a pigeon that will find you anywhere on this planet so I can contact you if you win. I hope y'all enjoy this little giveaway and don't panic if you don't hear much from me, I'm probably just tangled up in my exam literature list or busy pretending I'm dead, or something. 

ϟ G O O D  L U C K ϟ 

seeing the virgins

BOOM. So I've seen the Virgins last Saturday and it was the coolest thing ever. I just love this band! I really dig both of their albums and the show, well, let me put it this way- they ROCKED. But what ROCKED even more is that after the show, me and one of my two friends who I went with went over to Donald (the coooooolest guy ever!) who signed our tickets, and I told him that I got to write a review about the new album, and he was like, oh really, what did you write, and I told him, and after a while we ended up smoking outside and talking. The bands manager Ben (the guy in the denim jacket) and John, the drummer (the guy in the tartan shirt), joined, and as they wondered what else to do for the rest of the night, Donald said: "Let's just stay here, there's gonna be an 80s party later." Let's stay, to the guys and me and my friend. Can you believe it? This is how I spent Saturday night hanging with one of my favourite bands, having a few beers backstage and feeling pretty surreal. What I learned that evening: Ben is friends with Ryan Gentles (the Strokes manager, but also the Virgins are on Cult Records, the label that belongs to Julian Casablancas, so they quite obviously all know each other, but HOW FUCKING EXCITING IS THIS!?), Casio watches are difficult to get in New York and Warren Fu works with interns. A chance for me? Haha.

What shall I say, ever since Saturday I find my own life quite boring. Worst post-gig depression ever..!

And, hey, guys- is this the first picture ever of me on this blog..? I look fantastically horrible but I am just so excited about having met someone of those people I adore and I simply had to show off, haha.

xx

a conversation that never took place #3

"Do you think there can be something like intelligent romance?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, mainly because of a Hemingway quote I love: 'Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.' And romance is some type of happiness, or rather a belief in having achieved something good, having two people together that should be together... or something. I don't know, I just think that if you think a lot and if you're smart you sooner or later come to the conclusion that things are bad, and everything that isn't bad is invented, is false..."

"Woah, that's a fatal thought to have...do you always think like that?"

"Not always, if I did I would have killed myself a long time ago... but I just wondered, is there anything left of romance if you know that love is invented, that it's nothing but hormones and drives?"

"Let me put it this way: you probably wouldn't be impressed if I invited you to an expensive restaurant where we'd eat spaghetti off one dish while an old frenchman would be playing the accordion in a corner. But I'm sure you couldn't resist if I took you away with me, to show you places and things you've never seen? If I made you climb over fences and walls to get to a rooftop where you can look all over the city, like a young Charles Balanda? If I led you out into a field and you'd ask me why I did it and I'd say I don't know?"

"Hm, that's still a bit cliché... alternative cliché, but it's much like in a Gavalda novel."

"But still you couldn't! Don't tell me you wouldn't fall for me if I did all that. You're human, after all."

"So you basically say that an intelligent human being can experience romance only if it forgets to be intelligent for a while?"

"You underestimate human stupidity, I'm afraid. You are hell of intelligent. Really, hell of. Most people don't even have 20 per cent of your perspective. They just live like people in reality tv shows. It's awful but that's the way it is, they know love from soap operas and firmly believe that this is the only, true way it is, that soap operas are romance. That love is something inexplicable, sudden. Pink hearts, red roses, diamond rings in glasses of champagne. And then there's people like you. People who'd fall for beauty. For people like you, beauty is romance- well, in your case it's probably gotta be hardcore beauty, I guess..."

"You mean that beauty, a sort of more complex romance, could trigger my instincts because it could trick my mind? Taint my judgement, so to say?"

"You're adorable in your awfulness, but yes, I guess so. You'd love me if I showed you the secret entrance to a museums basement and we'd get locked up in there over night, you'd love me if I took you to see a ruin that only I would know about... This whole conversation, it's nothing but romantic- you ask me things like 'can there be intelligent romance' and I do my best to give witty responses, and create fictional beauty for you. Don't tell me you're not convinced yet. You've got rosy cheeks."

"That's the sunshine. And your overly cute examples of 'beauty'. And choice of characters to, er, illustrate them."

"What's wrong with my choice of characters? I thought that as the intelligent individual that you are, you would have made an intelligent guess about their purpose."

impressions impressed the impressive impressible

Yeah, thoughts go to infinity, dreams are high up in the sky, the rest isn't moving. A mind full of cats. A spring full of rain and green leaves. A startling need in colours and tea. Excitement takes turns with melancholy. It's strange, I just kinda want to lay down and ... I don't know, I just sit here and listen to music.

..."Look how the contours match, even the colours. We should have some pictures taken of us together, close-ups, you know, the ones where faces touch..." "You're quick to imagine things like that. I don't really see any resemblance." "Come on, don't be a spoiler! We're lucky to hang out, we might as well make art of it. We're artful on our own, we could be artful together. We would be beautifully artful together."

PS: Did you notice the new thingy in the sidebar? Make sure you check out the society6 thing and facebook and tell all your friends, haha. I've got new stuff up there, be curious and spread the word. xx

untitled #11

1. The bad thing about good things is that they tend to end.
2. I am unable to feel serene.
3. People always seem to be either happy or sad that life goes on, never indifferent.
4. If life in general was weather, it would be sunny, -9°C.
5. No idea how I'll get everything sorted.
6. If life was punctuation it would be .-,:_**+*_-_--__%"()[] ...yeah, or maybe it wouldn't.
7. I'm disturbingly addicted to the smell of burning matches. When I'm upset, I just burn some to feel better.
8. I also think that washing powder feels and smells incredibly tasty, really have to control myself every time I do the laundry.
9. I'm quite lonely. Not sure how I feel about that.
10. I wish I could make a living of what I'm doing on here- drawing, writing and thinking.
11. I wonder if someday there will be no need in this phlebotomy of the mind.

the sh*t is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s

It's a great mystery to me that it never occured to anyone to illustrate the many sayings about beauty- beauty that's only skin deep, or beauty that's inside being the only one that's true etc.- with dried bananas. There is absolutely NOTHING that looks even remotely as disgusting as they do, and tastes so divine at the same time. I heart dried bananas.

Talking about beauty, I would like to shout a genuine HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! to a person that is beautiful inside and outside and means a great deal to me- Mr. Peter Doherty, who turned 34 today. I hope that one day I can meet him and make him promise me to at least name his next kitten after me, if not to be my friend.  I heart you, Pete. xxx

octopus

Why do people get back to water that much when it comes to describing their lives? Like, we drown in sorrows, work or problems, we dive head first into an adventure, or into somebody's wallet; Shakespeare's Hamlet was already wondering if he should take arms against the sea of troubles and by opposing end them. And, most absurd, there's water dripping out of our eyes when we're sad, and sometimes even when we're happy. The river of life, the ocean of fantasy. Water is shapeless unless you shape it, does it mean we can shape life? If water is life, and we consist of water to 80 per cent, does it mean life and us can be friends? Or does it just mean that everyone is nothing but a drop in the ocean and will keep on sailing until they dissolve into smaller drops? I guess everyone has to figure out for themselves; and for mine own poor part, I'll try and pour my water-life into a baking form, the form of a cat, or something. I think.

untitled #10

Hello ze Strokes, or better say, ze new song of ze Strokes! Pretty much mindblowing, can't explain why so many people hate it. I've had it on replay tonight and I still have; there's something about it that makes it feel like a feather bed for the soul... or maybe I'm just getting emotional in my old days, but yeah, as I like to say, this tune plays my inner guitar. Ze Strokes are such a bromance, they just kill it every time. I'm ridiculously excited about the album now! What do you think?

Here are 4 pictures illustrating my life at the moment- hanging around at the campus from time to time trying to get my stuff done, being skint (and still ordering tons of topshop shit and paying a fortune for the shipping dkjfhsd), drawing pictures about my miserable existence and getting lost at the uni library, in search of books such as "Identity Between Deconstruction and (Re-)Construction in the Contemporary British Novel", "The Making of Modern Tourism" and "Conversations with Julian Barnes". F.U.N. 

For more trivialities and my breakfast/lunch/tea/supper/snacks stalk my Instagram.

stop being serious, be a cat

Because my blog got so serious recently, I thought I'd cheer you up with cat stuff, because cat stuff is always great, because cats are always great. I love cats, I love every kind of cat... haha, this (click!) used to go viral, remember? So here you go- the creme de la creme of my cat picture collection, plus my favourite boys with cats and I know the last one is a rabbit but it's just too hilarious. Anything to entertain you sweethearts. X

 via

 via

 via

 via

 via

 via

via

via

via

via

via

via

I probably didn't get the reference links right but seriously, I couldn't be bothered with stuff like that, and probably I will have to go to jail now, WHOOP WHOOP!

beauty is in the skies, the rest is struggle

EDIT: OMG so after today's news it looks like there's gonna be a BABYSHAMBLES, a STROKES, a VIRGINS and an ARCTIC MONKEYS ALBUM RELEASE THIS YEAR!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG

a selection of things I don't understand

1. why in music business people ignore jewels and hype shit.
2. people who like maths, or physics
3. maths, or physics
4. why people obey super-complex rules, hierarchies and mechanisms of socials groups instead of keeping it simple and being themselves
5. why nobody has invented calorie-free chocolate yet
6. why I can't be super-skinny just like that
7. why someone would randomly start and maintain a conversation just to disappear at the nicest point
8. why someone would then randomly reappear when it was completely unexpected...
9. ...only to disappear once again very shortly after
10. why anyone would start a conversation if they don't want to talk
11. why people say things they don't mean
12. why the only hip, future-ish thing we have are touchscreens and electric toothbrushes with USB plugs- time travellers from the past will be totally disappointed
13. why some people are lucky and some are not
14. why everybody seems to love how I look but very few people seem interested in what I create
15. why I can't touch the tip of my nose with my tongue- I tried so hard!
16. why I am writing this list.

Since I am a proud owner of an iPhone now, you can stalk me on Instagram, too: ( I mean, hey- EVERYBODY wants to see my lunch. I know you want it...) CLICK And please take a moment to appreciate the coolest phone case ever- those are flying elephants, it doesn't get much cooler than that, ok. 

...So I'm basically starting the new year with an utterly pointless post. Wuay.

jglfhsfjkshf 2012

Yeah. So, yeah, well, this is it. This is 2012. I hope you didn't get an epileptic fit at the sight of this picture, if yes, I apologise in advance. I don't know why, since I wrote that song or poem in the last post I feel this kind of stubborn desperado-aggression inside, and I let it out with the brightest colours, the dashiest music... and I'm SO buying myself an acid wash denim jacket- that's not a resolution, that's a plan. And if I'm silly enough, I'll print this drawing on a shirt, haha.

I won't talk much about 2012 because I prefer not to remember most of it, though a few details pushed my life in a nice direction- who knows. I don't know, I just hope. 

Anyway, I want to say T H A N K S guys, for checking all the weird stuff I post on here, leaving comments and compliments. I wish you a fantastic NYE party, the brightest fireworks and smiles, and successful 2013. See you next year. XX