untitled #14

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asterisques

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there's been quite a few of you, those who occupied some memory space in my brain for a while and then left it. neither did I know, nor did you what exactly was happening and where it was going to lead- turned out it all led nowhere, obviously, because neither of us was walking to find out. you're all so intriguing, talented, smart and beautiful, and special, and you're replaceable and forgettable, you mean nothing to me. what does, these days?

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railtracks seldom seemed so inviting

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I wish you would write me a song

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I wish I would write a song

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there was a stack of poems and letters to unknown somewhere in my room, I cannot find it and I'm panicking, really

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I could write a play- about Aly who'd be a depressed philosophy student suffering from eating disorders and Dean who'd worship Aly and be in a band. That band would be gaining popularity but Dean would only be writing music to get Alys attention. He'd completely overlook Bess, an aspiring sound engineer who'd work with his band and be hopelessly in love with him. She'd try her best about his record to get him to notice her but he'd be totally absorbed by Aly- who, on the outside, wouldn't give a damn. Aly'd rather spent her time on trying to eat while not eating and nihilism. They'd all be captured in the jails of their fruitless hopes and trying to figure out what makes their life worth living. However, when Dean's band would go on tour abroad Aly would notice how much she is misses Dean's calls, jokes and unconditional adoration in her otherwise bland life. Bess, in turn, would happily take the opportunity of Dean being far away from Aly and try to get closer to him. Dean would notice and wonder if there's any point in clinging to Aly because she's just not into him, but he still wouldn't fall for Bess. Shit would hit the fan when, after a gig, miserable and drunk, Dean would get into a fight at a train station, fall on the tracks and get hit by a train. After being informed of Dean's tragic death Aly's world would crumble indeed, but not only hers- Bess would be convinced that Dean had stepped in front of the train on purpose because of Aly. Full of rage and sorrow, Bess would take the first plane back home, with a gun, ripe and ready to shoot Aly and get it over with, only to find Aly's dead body- she'd have overdosed because she wouldn't cope with Dean's fate. In despair and anger, Bess would shoot herself instead and the play would end with their funerals where the rest of the people involved would sadly comment on how everyone is doomed to die and how difficult it is to actually clinge on to life. - and no one would give a fuck.

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I will miss the sun a lot in winter

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I cannot write, I cannot draw, I cannot think. a) I need to focus on my bachelor thesis which is why I don't have the time and b) I've got no good ideas which scares me lots. I need to draw something every now and then, just to make sure I still know how to hold a pen, but I don't want this something to be utter rubbish

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hey guys. anything you want to tell me, anyone willing to cheer me up, anyone got questions? leave a comment. I was also wondering if I should get ask.fm but I feel like these question sites kind of make you look like you promote yourself to some sort of q-celebrity which is ridiculous, because who the fuck is interested in trivia about totally random people..?

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if only I could just hang out in ldn by myself for a while, just to feel the 'happy' again before plunging back into the battle

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the end xxx