airstream obstructed

The evening sky, when you can see a shimmer of pink on muted blue, is really the only thing that grounds you anymore. You don’t have an explanation as to why it should move you that tremendously more often than not, but staring upwards feels like learning what it’s like to have that rock that weighs down on your existence, lifted for the briefest of moments. Even more so, if your vision is clouded by treacherous moisture. The evening sky allows for a cinematographic framing of things. It makes you feel poetic, like you don’t have to worry where all this is headed; and the fact that you recognise the ease with which you breathe in to be a fleeting side effect of the benevolent appearance of the stratosphere, makes your indulgence in it twice as bitter. Yesterday, you went shopping and all was swell until you had to squish yourself past two other customers of the shop, who wouldn’t move - one was engrossed in reading the label of a prepackaged loaf of bread, and the other was just an asshole - and you felt a surge of disgust for all solid matter, a disdain for existence itself. The chase for food. The obligations. Your acquaintances’ questions about your life, although you don’t feel like answering but you do anyway. It would be silly to attribute this negativity to inconveniences within your grocery shopping experience - no, this is your essence, lying dormant beneath an innocent, unassuming face, until a scratch on the surface unleashes it for you to deal with yet again. As you think about all these things, the sun is quietly setting which means that the pink disappears from the blue, everything sinks into dim twilight and there’s nothing to hold on to anymore. The feelings of heaviness, the desperate longing for something more, are gone. Not pacified, not replaced, just dulled down until the next accidentally pretty sunset. You don’t feel sad, or on edge, or serene - just empty. It’s time to go to bed. You’re bracing yourself for the next day’s little eternity. You feel like you’ve got absolutely nothing to say.