I had been spending the day in front of the laptop; presentations, reviews, essays, portfolios, term papers- that's what had bothered me the whole week, I had just finished improvising a makeshift structure for a presentation that actually should have been ready by today; I was writing a review that was due tomorrow, and I was getting incredibly weary.
And then I looked up from the screen, through the window and into the sky. The clouds were passing fast, the leaves of the trees were moving and suddenly I felt like I had already looked up into the sky that very way. I felt myself on the windy top of a hill, looking down at paths, meadows and faraway horizons. I felt like I was little, and calm and feeling alright. And I started realising that I felt this way on some walk I took as a child, in the hills near my house, 7000 kilometres away from the place where I am now. It felt so odd, having exactly the same feeling suddenly rising somewhere in my chest, making me have a huge lump in my throat, making me want to jump up, to run after the clouds, to fly, to cry and to laugh at the same time. Making me feel so young and so indescribably old at the same time. And all that just because of a single look towards the infinte blue.
Perhaps I haven't changed through the years, deep inside. I just feel too weak for everything sometimes.